not!menstrual

Anyone know who designed it? It's amazing where you can allow yourself to see tampons while you're editing the next issue of your menstrual comedy zine.

Correction, I guess...It's amazing where I can allow myself to see tampons while I'm editing the next issue of my menstrual comedy zine.

I just finished the cover and it's in for printing.

We've got an interesting new sponsor, as well - whole back cover ad!

Hehehe...kidding.

Sort of.

By anyway, that's where I've been the past couple of days I should have been posting.

Chella

Newphemisms.

So, in our quest for ever stupider content, Sarah and I have been doing some fart-joke style menstrual riffing. Proper lowest common denominator stuff. That's your disclaimer.

I mentioned to Sarah that I wanted to come up with some new menstrual euphemisms - just for fun - no stigma attatched but more for vocabularic variety. There are fabulous metaphors for masturbation, defecation and all the other -ations that come out of your body, but menstrual metaphors all seem very negative and 1950s to us.

Her suggestion: When the Red, Red Robin Comes Bob, Bob, Bobbin' Along - I laughed and laughed. Then we looked up the song and realised it was sung by Doris Day (we love Doris Day), mentioned throbbing, and was about feeling positive. Why not specifically period positive, we say.

Usage:

Sarah: Hey, Chella, my Red Red Robin just came Bob Bob Bobbin' along. Have you got a tampon?

Chella: What a coincidence. My 99 Red Balloons have just gone by and and I've still got a pad in my bag.

(Only the English version of that song works, by the way, and could have some straw-grasping interpretations about male panic about menstruation rather than an impending invasion.)

In more sensible news, Sarah's poem was posted on Feminist Review today. For her efforts, she's won a quite cool looking book. Another winner, Erika Mikkalo, wrote a poem that reminded me of the Radio 4 programme I mentioned the other week about feminists being funny: Call Yourself A Feminist.

Do send us newphemisms.

Chella

My Aunt Flo would be proud.

I'm starting a new category of posts: things that sound like menstrual euphemisms, could be menstrual euphemisms, but aren't menstrual euphemisms...yet.

Yep - things that are not menstrual but could be - nay should be.

First up: Flora The Red Menace.

This was a 60s musical starring Liza Minelli. It's about communism, predictably, and, more surprisingly, fashion design.

But to misquote HBO's favorite 80s rerun, Clue, communism's just a red herring these days. I doubt this play will have revivals as successful as its sibling creations, Cabaret and Chicago. That's why I suggest that we give it its own special revival.

Now, I'm obviously not condoning euphemism for period-shame-related cover ups, but I have no problem with nicknaming my period. (Party Weirdo's Cara gave her period a stage name, after all.)

I nickname all my friends. Most of them don't mind. Imagine this exchange:

Nicknamed Friend of Chella (who doesn't mind): Hey Chella, what's up?

Chella: I'm totally chilling with Flora the Red Menace today, man!

Yeah...that works for me.

Send in your not-menstrual-but-should-be suggestions.

Chella